Twenty (One)

“We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.”

Ah, a Taylor Swift lyric to fit the moment yet again. (Okay so I may be totally biased, considering I’m a huge fan, but I cannot deny how much I relate to this line). I may only be twenty one, one year short of the actual song, but the point is…

I’m a young adult. I’m a senior in college with just one semester left. So yes, I am very happy.

I am happy to have the freedoms of young adulthood, without the responsibilities just yet. I have more friends than I probably deserve, memories that can make me cry from laughter, and a healthy, beating heart. I am able to feel the sunshine on my cheeks and dance to my favorite songs each day. I enjoy a warm cup of coffee almost every morning and fall asleep in a comfortable bed. I am very happy.

I am free. Without the pressure to actually be “an adult” (but what does that even mean really…we can talk more about this later…), I am still able to go out on Thursday nights and sleep in and take naps. I can go on adventures with my friends and just pick up and go, really.

But then there is confused. Confused because my future is slowly creeping up on me. “Apply to jobs, you idiot” my conscience says as I sit here and start a blog instead. Whoops! Confused because what does it even mean to be a real adult? Wasn’t I declared on adult once I turned 18, technically? Confused because I am young, but I have learned that nothing goes quite as planned. In a year, I could live in a new state or I could be back home jobless under my parents roof. Confused because….things are so uncertain.

And I know I am not alone. But lonely…sometimes I can be lonely. I have amazing friends, but I know we all about to take steps in different directions. I’m single, which is fine because I basically always have been. In life, you really do go through each experience alone. Everybody is a little lonely.

//

I’m a twenty one year old with one semester left in college. I’m afraid, but I’m ambitious. And I’m determined. There was a time when I wasn’t sure I was going to even make it to college. But I made it and I’m about to graduate.

I am young, and I want to live my life. I want to embrace all the happy, free, confused, and lonely times during that.

“The thing you are most afraid to write – write that.” – N. Waheed

 

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